When I became pregnant with Mwelu, I knew that I wanted to try again for that all natural vaginal birth. I brought on a really awesome lady from my church as my doula (Check her out at http://laborofloveoc.com/!). She taught me the Bradley method and was super supportive of my desire for a VBAC. I had an awesome midwife through Kaiser Permanente that was also super supportive. I was really excited to have another chance at this. Knowing that Mwende had gone so late, I didn't even worry much as my due date approached. But I never even got the chance to go into labor. I remember calling Kaiser's Labor & Deliver the night before her due date because she wasn't moving as much as usual. Mwelu was extremely active in the womb and those couple of days it was taking her at least an hour to get her 10 "kicks" in. L&D told me that since she was passing her kick counts, I really didn't need to come in, but that I could if I wanted to for reassurance. I had a gut feeling that something just wasn't right, so I decided to go in. I questioned myself on the drive over and almost turned around and went back home just because I felt stupid for going in for "no reason". I kept driving though. They did the Non Stress Test and Mwelu was just fine. Heartbeat was perfect, etc. Then they didn't a ultrasound just to be thorough. That's when they found that I had an amniotic fluid deficiency. I can't remember the exact number, but it was low enough that they wanted to do a c-section right then and there. I told them to hold on while I called my doula to find out what to do. She told me what numbers were safe and what numbers were not to be argued with. Since my numbers were undesirable at that point, but not an emergency, I asked them to try re-hydrating me with IV fluids first to see if that would restore the necessary levels. That did the job and they sent me home, making me promise to come back in first thing in the morning to get rechecked. I went home and drank as much water as a person can possibly drink. I was confident that I was fully hydrated and would encounter no problem when they retested. So I went in the next morning before eating breakfast, before taking a shower, before really doing anything, so I could just get it done and get on with my day. They did the ultrasound and found less than 2cm of amniotic fluid. They didn't let me leave this time and a few hours later Mwelu was born via emergency c-section due to Oligohydramnios. I don't remember anything from her birth except for the anesthesiologist holding my hair back while I vomited. I just learned recently that not only was my husband present, but that he even got to cut the cord! I don't remember any of it. This birth experience was extremely traumatic for me as it felt like it was completely out of my control. Since the current guidelines were that it was safe to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) after only 1 c-section, but no more than one, I thought that I had just lost my last chance of a normal birthing. This is how my postpartum depression ended up manifesting itself. It was the first time I had EVER been angry at God. He was in control and I knew it, so why couldn't He have let me have this?! I eventually came out of the funk, realizing that God had His reasons and they just weren't for me to know at that time. Fortunately, it didn't effect any mother/baby bonding and so I had that beautiful new baby girl to keep me above water.
About a year after that my friend, Emily, told me about a policy with Kaiser that allowed for women to attempt a VBAC after having had TWO c-sections. Even though I wasn't pregnant yet (and not even trying) I was thrilled at the news. If I did get pregnant, I had another chance! A little while after hearing this news, my husband and I discovered a surprise pregnancy. We weren't trying at the time and my cycles were so erratic that I didn't even notice that something was "off" until I started get nauseous in the mornings. We were happy about it despite the lack of planning and I immediately jumped into planning for my VBA2C (Vaginal Birth After 2 Cesareans). I started attending local ICAN meetings, of which my friend Emily co-led. That's where I learned about the Hypnobabies method of childbirth. I knew that if I were going to have a successful VBA2C, then it had to be as intervention free as possible. I felt like Hypnobabies was my best bet at doing that. So after much research to make sure that the use of self-hypnosis didn't conflict with my faith in Jesus, my husband and I used part of our tax return to pay for a Hypnobabies class. It was a wonderful course, covering all aspects of pregnancy and childbirth. It taught me how to relax deeply and gave me a confidence that my plan could succeed that I wouldn't have otherwise had. In fact I think that the greatest benefit I took away from the class was a true belief that I could actually have a VBA2C successfully. Emily recommended a rockstar of a mid-wife, Linda Church, to me that was completely supportive of my plan. Her attitude about the whole thing was key to me. To her it was just not a big deal. She told me of women who had successful VBACs after 3 and 4 c-sections. She even told me that if I wanted to have more children, that it was important that I have a VBAC. Apparently the more c-sections a woman has, the higher chance of there being problems with the placenta in subsequent pregnancies. I always walked away from my appointments with her feeling uplifted.
Unfortunately Kaiser has that policy that I have to see an OB at least once. So I went to see Dr. Latasha Mason. She was definitely not as supportive. The first time I saw her was to sign the waiver. She explained it to me and told me that she really did NOT like the idea of my wanting a trial of labor. She said that after 1 c-section is one thing, but after 2 c-sections is an entirely different story. That it just wasn't something that they "do" anymore. I stood my ground, feeling a little like an unfit mother as I signed the waiver stating the risk of fetal death with an attempted VBAC. I questioned my motives as I walked away from that appointment. I went home and cried and wondered if I was putting my own desire for a VBAC above the safety of my baby. It turned out that wasn't the last time I would have to see Dr. Mason and it wouldn't be the last time I went home and cried after seeing her. I ended up having to see her 2 or 3 more times after that, due to scheduling conflicts with my midwife. And every time I saw her, she tried even harder to talk me out of it. The risks I was taking got bigger and scarier. She had seen more uterine ruptures every time I saw her. The last time I saw her she told me, that while she had never personally seen it, babies DIE from VBACs. That it happens and do I really want to take that risk? Fortunately by that time I had done my research. I learned that 1% of women who attempt a VBAC have a uterine rupture. And I learned that this doesn't mean that their baby is automatically going to die. In fact only 6% of babies die from a uterine rupture. Considering that there is certainly a risk associated with cutting baby out of my body with a KNIFE, I decided that the numbers were in my favor. Anyway, Dr. Mason was definitely using scare tactics on me to try and talk me into a repeat c-section, but I held my ground.
My next challenge was going postdate. At around 36 or 37 weeks, Dr. Mason told me that she wanted to schedule a c-section for my due date. My heart sank when she said this. I asked her why and she said that it was just to dangerous to go post date with a VBAC. Of course by this time, I had learned to take what she said with a grain of salt. So I told her that I wasn't ready to schedule anything yet and we would talk about it again ON my due date. (I ended up gettting sneaky and cancelling that appointment on my due date with the OB and making an appointment with my midwife instead.) Then I went home and did my research on going postdate with a VBAC. I wanted to get on top of it since I knew, based on previous experience, that this baby was probably NOT going to come by her due date. Since I had never even gone into labor on my own, I didn't know HOW long my babies gestated! For all I knew I was a 10 month mama! After my research I found that the risk of uterine rupture only goes up by 0.1% going postdate. The main risk was the normal postdate concerns that would apply to all pregnancies, VBAC or not. That being meconium, big baby, etc. After this I felt more or less safe waiting until 43 weeks with increased surveillance (NSTs, CSTs, BPPs, AFVs) , daily if needed. The only trouble with that was that if anything looked sketchy on the surveillance, they (and I) would be obligated to immediately do a c-section. Knowing all this, especially in consideration of the reason for my 2nd c-section, I felt like my chances of actually going into labor were growing slim. My due date was approaching rapidly, I was sick of fighting the doctor and losing hope.
As my due date came and went, I comforted myself by thinking how awesome it would be to have a July 4th baby. Its my mom's birthday as well, so that would have made it extra special! On July 3rd I went and got a pedicure, hoping that they would hit some pressure point that would get things started. I was encouraged that night when I received a phone call from my new OB, Dr. Shaffer. She didn't like the fact that I was postdate either, but had a VBAC herself and was much more encouraging. I found out that she is a believer and she ended up praying for me before we hung up. That was such a blessing. There was even a full moon the night of the 3rd, so I was REALLY hoping that July 4th would be it. Well... it wasn't. I took my mom for a mother/daughter date that day. Even ran up the stairs at the parking garage. Nothing happened.
The next day, during my morning walk (I had been getting up every morning at 5:45, going to the track and walking for an hour) I was praying and reminding myself that God was in control and that He loves me and knows how much I wanted this. I started hanging on to Philippians 4:6-7 and 1 Peter 5:7 for comfort. I reasoned that God loves His children and would not deny me this unless He had a good reason to. There were a lot of tears and praying on those walks.
That same day, I drove up to L.A. to get acupressure done. I figured it was worth a try! If nothing else, I got to get away by myself for a little. I met with Robyn Kim at the All Pro Health Center. She was very encouraging and did her thing. She told me I would know within 24 hours if it worked or not. Well, I went to bed the next day (July 6th) thinking that at least I had tried!
>>>>FINALLY THE BIRTH STORY!<<<<<
Just before 2am the morning of July 7th, I woke up with a sharp pain in my back. It hurt enough to fully wake me up, so I got up to go to the bathroom. A short time later I had another one, and then another. Since I had false labor before, I wasn't convinced it was anything special. 2 hours later I finally started to think that maybe this was it and started timing them. They were coming at 5/6 minutes apart. I waited until 5am to call my mom (who was in town from NM, staying with friends) to let her know what was going on. I still wasn't sure. By the time my mom got to my place, they were 3/4 minutes apart, lasting about 45 sec each. I was having back labor, but was coping well. I called the L&D nurse and asked when I should come in. She asked me some questions and told me that as soon as they were lasting at least 60 sec, that I should come in. (I purposely neglected to mention that this was a VBA2C, because I was afraid that they would tell me to come in prematurely.) It didn't take long for the contractions to get there. I spent an hour in the bathtub, then got out to tell hubby and mom that it was about time to go. They packed my hospital bag while I leaned over the kitchen table using my Hypnobabies techniques. So far, everything was going great. We got to the hospital just before 8am. That's when it got hard.
When I arrived they told me that they needed me to lie down on the bed to get a 20 min surveillance strip for the heart beat and contractions. No problem, I was in a good mood and didn't feel like that would be a problem. Well, 20 minutes came... and went. They insisted that I stay on the bed hooked up to the monitors. My hypnobabies techniques went right out the window as I realized that I couldn't change my position to help alleviate the pain. I tried to relax, I tried so hard. But back labor on my back in a bed was making that a lot easier said than done. The OB on call came in after looking at my chart and said that he wanted to do a c-section immediately. Based on nothing other than the fact that it was a VBA2C. I told him there was no way I was going to agree to a c-section unless there was something wrong. He then checked me and found that I was only 1 cm dilated. This didn't help my case or my hopes. 20 minutes later I was in so much pain, I was actually thinking of agreeing to a c-section just to end the pain. I told my husband I didn't think I could do it. He told me I could, so I "asked" the nurse for pain medication (okay, I demanded). They came to put the IV in and 5 tries later finally got it in and gave me morphine for the pain. Apparently I wasn't just being a wimp, because the morphine actually had NO effect. It didn't help at all. So I asked for an epidural. At this point I thought that surely my VBA2C was going to fail. In my head, an epidural was just going to screw everything up. But I figured I would need one for the c-section anyway, so why not. I was feeling pretty defeated. Then things started to look up again.
The anesthesiologist came immediately and was just wonderful. She assured me that an epidural didn't mean that this was necessarily a failed attempt. She was so good at her job that I didn't even feel the needle go in! When it started working, I could still feel the pressure in my back, but not the pain associated with it. It was a completely different experience than my induction with my first pregnancy. About 2pm, after the epidural kicked in, my nurse (who had a VERY concerned look on her face the entire time she attended me) checked my progress and found that I was 6 cm and 100% effaced! Shortly after that my water broke on its own. That was such good news. I started to relax, thinking maybe I was going to be able to do this after all. They were concerned about some meconium staining they saw and so called the NICU to tell them they would need to be ready. By 3pm I was fully dilated! The baby was still a bit high though, so they wanted me to wait before I started pushing. While I "waited", I practiced the exhale pushing technique that Hypnobabies had taught me. The OB came in at about 4:40pm and told me it was time to start pushing. I could still feel the pressure of the contractions, so no one had to tell me when to push, I told them when I was getting ready to! My friend Emily came in at this point and was right there by my side as my advocate. It was such a relief when she came in, as I still felt like I was fighting the doctors and I knew that she would back me up. The doctor said that he wanted to do an episiotomy and I agreed after talking with him about the reasons why. At 5:13pm, they could see her hair. Emily cheered me on by saying only a couple more pushes and she'll be here. The nurse disagreed with her saying it was probably going to be another 45 minutes. But with the next push, she realized that Emily was right and started scrambling around to get everything in place and get the NICU team in place. At 5:22pm, my beautiful daughter, with a full head of thick black hair, was born via a SUCCESSFUL VBA2C at 40 weeks 5 days gestation! I'm told that I said "I did it!" immediately after she was born. Because of the meconium staining, they whisked her away to check her thoroughly. Apparently I tore before the episiotomy, so while they worked on her, the OB stitched me up. She was 8 lbs 0.4oz, 20.25 in long and in perfect health! They gave her to me as soon as he was done. I put her on my chest and she almost immediately latched on and started nursing. She is my victory baby!
Surprisingly the recovery was harder than my c-section recoveries. Shorter, but harder. But it was definitely worth it. I experienced absolutely no postpartum depression. How could I? I got my VBA2C, discovered that my body is not dysfunctional AND had a healthy beautiful baby girl on top of it. She is 6 weeks old as I write this, but everytime I look at her, I still get that warm feeling of accomplishment. Her name is Syowai and means "serious" or "strong willed". But her name will always have a different meaning for me. It means victory!
This might be a little cheesy, but I need to acknowledge those that I couldn't have done this without. The community of support I found through ICAN and Hypnobabies. My mom and husband for their support and for hours of brushing my hair through labor. Linda Church, CNM for her nonchalant, relaxed attitude towards VBACing. Emily Gonzalez for her knowledge, passion, confidence and support. And especially God Almighty for giving His daughter her heart's desire! Your combined efforts made this possible.
