What "Love" means to me

Assignment for my interpersonal communication class on what love means to me by way of a song.

I'm sure you're all familiar with the word association game. You're given a word and you say the first thing that comes to mind. Well when I hear the word “love”, the first thing I think of is God. 1 John 4:8 in the New American Standard Version (I will use this translation whenever I quote the bible from here on.) of the Christian Bible says “God is Love.” This is the reason I decided to choose the song “Beautiful” by the Christian artist, Mercy Me.

This song really represents to me the kind of “agape” love that God has for me. I've been hearing this song on 95.9 The Fish for months now, but it didn't really strike me until a couple of weeks ago. I was having one of those really crummy days where I was feeling rejected and unlovable. This song reminded me how valuable I am to God and just how loved I am by Him. Agape love is described as sacrificial love. The book, Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others on page 324, says “Agape love is based on a spiritual ideal of love. It involves giving of yourself and expecting nothing in return.” John 15:13 in the Bible says “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” Then Romans 5:8 goes on to say “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” This really sums up for me what agape love is all about.

The lyrics in the song Beautiful really do a good job expressing this love. The first verse says:

“The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much”

Even before this song really hit home and became significant in my life, this verse struck a chord in me. Growing up, I struggled with ADHD, overwhelming anger and depression. I tried to commit suicide several times. Although it was really more a cry for attention than it was an honest attempt to kill myself. I still remember the darkness and despair of those times though. I had no hope. I'm sure a lot of this contributed to a low self esteem. I constantly over analyze myself and other's opinions of me. Inherently I am self absorbed, I'm a liar, I'm overly dramatic, I have little tact, no self control and I rarely finish what I start. Of course realizing this about myself I've felt unworthy of love. I want love and I seek it, but ultimately I feel just plain unworthy and usually end up withdrawing because of that sense.

That is the part of God's agape love for me that I absolutely love. He knows me better than I know myself. Every action, every thought, every motive. And He still loves me enough to die. The third verse in Mercy Me's Beautiful talks about that. It says:

“Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die”

I love the way they said that. “You're the one He madly loves enough to die.” For heavens sake, he is GOD, creator of the Universe. Isaiah 40:26 talks about how he put the stars in the sky and calls them by name. Who I am that He would love me enough to die? But He did. Then being God as He is, he defeated death so that he could have a relationship with me.

But he didn't stop with defeating death to demonstrate his love for me. He did that for everyone, not just me. Part of the chorus of Beautiful says:

“You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His.”

Another part of the song says:

“You're beautiful in His eyes.”

Even though He sacrificed himself for everyone, I still feel special. I am his. I am beautiful to him. He has continued to prove this to me throughout my life. I could give you some “easy” examples that might be explained away by circumstances other than God's intervention. For instance, by all rights I should be an unmarried mother or addicted to drugs, in prison maybe. Actually the way I was going, I should be dead by now. But I'm not. I married to a wonderful man, the mother and stepmother of 4 wonderful kids. Pursuing a degree, albeit a little later than usual. I'm alive and thriving. My experience with this doesn't stop there though. I have two examples of experiences that I often rely on whenever I have doubts about whether or not God is real or how much he loves me.

The first happened when I was 5. Long before I committed myself to following Jesus. I was sitting by the back door and prayed out loud for God to give me a rainbow every day. I remember my mom trying to explain to me that God doesn't always give us everything we ask for. Later that day, a rainbow appeared in the sky. Shortly after that, I went to my first day of kindergarten. Painted on the back wall was a big rainbow. I still have a picture of me standing next to it with my kindergarten teacher. And I think of God's love for a little 5 year old girl every time I look at it.

My second example happened 4 years after I became a Christian. I was working at a bank as a teller supervisor in charge of the vault. I made a careless mistake while balancing my cash at the end of the day that made it look like I had tried to force balance the books. Of course this wasn't the case. I was on the bus on the way home when I realized my mistake and immediately called my supervisor to tell her that she would need to meet me in the morning to audit me. She did and then immediately fired me for force balancing. I tried to explain that it was an honest mistake, but they didn't bend and I was let go. This was completely unexpected and I was devastated. The rent was coming due, I didn't have any family in the area and didn't have a car to aid me in looking for another job. I spent the rest of my week traveling around on the bus filling out applications. I remember sitting in church on Sunday when they passed the offering plate. I had $4 in my purse. That was all the money I had left. I remember thinking that $4 wasn't going to do anything for me anyway, so I threw it in the offering plate. Immediately after the service a couple that I had been helping to watch their children approach me and tell me that they had a car they wanted to give me. The next day, Monday, Human Resources from my bank called and told me that my manager had been wrong to fire me. They asked if I wanted my job back. Between the timing and quantity and the quality of the blessings that God bestowed on me that weekend, I can't attribute it to anything other than God.

These two examples prove to me that, just as the song says, I am His. He is watching out for me on a personal level. He is involved in every facet of my life. He proved his love by dying for me and continues to prove His love to me by being with me.

Now, I became a Christian 10 years ago during a drug overdose at which time I realized that I was no longer in control of my life. I relinquished myself to God and was immediately overwhelmed with the reality of his love for me. I am so grateful to Him for everything he's done for me. Since then I've been working hard to show my appreciation. I can never adequately return his love. But in John 21:15-17 Jesus tells one of his disciples that if he really loves him, he should take care of his sheep. “His sheep” being those people who follow Jesus. In Matthew 25:34-40 Jesus talks about how when we care for those in need, we are caring for him. So now I do my best to love God in return by working to care for those in need. Whether it be sharing encouraging words with a person who is hurting, raising money or supplies for various charities in need or telling someone who needs to know how much they're loved just how much Jesus really loves them. I'm trying to do these things. And I still pray that God would give me more opportunities to love him by “feeding his sheep”.

In conclusion, my love for God is not an agape love. I'm not really sure what kind of love it is. A reactive love of gratitude, maybe. But if he withdrew his love from me, if he took it all back, I wouldn't love him. The wonderful thing about God's agape love is that it really is unconditional. It doesn't matter if I return his love or not. There is nothing I can do that would cause God to stop loving me. And that's what makes it agape love.