Toys

I am obviously over-thinking this. But today I went to a consignment sale (www.ockidsconsignment.com) to buy Christmas gifts for the girls. I spent $51 on "gently used" toys. I was fairly proud of myself. I got an easel, a sit 'n spin, noah's ark set, refrigerator phonics set and wooden alphabet blocks for Mwende. I got abc stacking boxes, wooden stacking blocks, a pull toy telephone, butterfly spin toy and a sweater for Mwelu. I did good! Right? Well I got home and separated out what they would get for Christmas/Mwelu's birthday and gave them the rest to play with now. I was sitting on the floor with Mwelu watching her try to figure out the butterfly spin toy and suddenly just felt very sad. Here I am spending $51 on toys for my children that we don't really have room for anyway. Not to mention they have plenty of toys already. And yet there are millions of children around the world who not only don't have any toys to play with, they don't have enough food to eat or clean water to drink. There are children who's childhood has been lost to them due to poverty or war. And I'm buying my children toys they don't need. Are they enjoying them? Yes. Does that make me feel better right now? No. Should I stop buying my kids frivolous things and put that money instead towards these children who need it more? I don't know the answer to that. And it bugs me. I'm not trying to preach. Just sharing the thoughts going through my head. It helps me organize my thoughts to write it out.

Prop 8

If you haven't heard already, Chief US District Judge Vaughn Walker overturned Prop 8 today. Honestly, this isn't an issue that I feel terribly strong about. I voted for it and was pleased that it passed. But I would rather have had Prop 4 (Abortion Waiting Period and Parental Notification Initiative) pass and Prop 8 fail if I had to choose. Anyway, I'm really just not sure how to feel about what happened today with the overturning of Prop 8. My initial reaction was outrage. My thought was, 'So much for democracy!' The idea that I voted with the majority and that it was overturned by a judge who is himself gay and therefore I feel too biased to make that kind of decision just sits wrong with me. I really kind of feel that the government has given itself too much power here and ignored the will of the people which is what government should truly reflect. HOWEVER, the people are not always right. While I believe that in this case, they were right, that is not always the case. Hence my confusion on how to feel. The United States is NOT a Christian country. As much as I would like to live in a place that is governed and occupied by people who share my Christian values, I don't. And honestly, if I step back and look at the issue from a non-Christian standpoint, then it would seem that the judge made the right decision here. I can't expect non-Christians to act like Christians because they're just not. If the Holy Spirit is not in their lives, convicting them of their wrong-doing (and yes, I believe that homo-sexuality is wrong. The bible states this clearly in Leviticus 18:22 saying "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." as well as in other places especially concerning Sodom & Gomorrah) then I can't expect them to know that it is wrong. With that in mind maybe this was the "right" decision? As a Christian though, this really just indicates to me the moral decay that our society is displaying.

Besides all this I just want to say that I really wonder how Jesus would respond to this. I believe that he would let it be known on no uncertain terms that it is NOT OKAY. But in the same breath he would let these people know just how very much he loves them. Homosexuality is a sin just the same as lying, stealing, adultery and the rest. And I know that God doesn't love the homosexual person any less then he does the person who "only" tells a lie here and there. And he doesn't love the liar more than he loves the murderer. Sin is sin in God's eyes. It ALL separates us from him. It doesn't matter what that sin is. Thank you Father God that you love ALL of us so much that you sent your son, Jesus, to die for us and pay the consequence for all our sins!

I really hope that the Christian community doesn't forget the love of Jesus as they react to this decision on gay marriage.

Richard Stearns' - The Hole In Our Gospel - Chapter 1

I am reading The Hole In Our Gospel by Richard Stearns with my small group in church. The basic idea of the book is that many Christians, that find themselves in a comfortable place in life, are falling short of what God expects of them. They might be going to church, praying, reading their bibles and avoiding the big sins, but that's where they stop. From what I can gather so far, its a book about putting your faith into action and not just sitting complacently.

When I first looked at it, I thought to myself "Well, there's no hole in my gospel!". Of course I said this without even a smidgen of pride. (yeah right!) Well, I'm only on the first chapter and Richard Stearns has already poked my theory full of holes. Haha. No pun intended. I am hoping to blog through this book chapter by chapter as I read through it. This isn't intended to be a play by play of the book. Just my thoughts on it.

Introduction:

The part that sticks out in my mind the most in this section is where Stearns quotes Johnny Cash when he sung "You're so heavenly minded, you're no earthly good." Wow. I have to ask myself as I seek to strengthen my relationship with God, am I any good to the people around me? Haha, if you look at the clutter around my house I'm going to have to go with no...

Chapter One:

I'm already smacking myself in the forehead as I read this. Remember when Jesus prayed in Matthew 6:10 "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven"??? I have to admit that went right over my head. Stearns clarifies " His was not intended to be a far-off and distant kingdom to be experienced only in the afterlife; no, Christ's proclamation of the "kingdom of heaven" was a call for a redeemed world order populated by redeemed people--now. In other words, the perfect kingdom of God that I just described was to begin on earth." Um geez. I haven't exactly done much towards that end. That's a tall order and here I am sitting on my bum. Something like that takes a lot of people working together to get it finished. If anyone is slacking off, then its just that much longer until it happens. I need to step up!

Stearns goes on to talk about about how we've somehow managed to turn evangelism into getting people to buy fire insurance for their homes while completely ignoring the fact that for many people, their "homes" are falling down around them. (this is my paraphrase, not a quote from the book.) We're trying to get them to pray the sinner's pray but not attending to their physical or emotional needs. They're starving or dying, but as long as they pray that prayer we say "Praise God" and move on to the next sinner in need of repentance.

That makes me think of a line in a Christafari song (Christafari is only my all time favorite band. They're a christian reggae band.) The song is called Preach the Gospel (Every Day Living). He sings "Preach the gospel use words when necessary." Google it if you want to see the complete lyrics. LOVE that song! But I think that might be what Stearns is trying to get at here. The one line that made the biggest impression on me in this section was this: "Christianity is a faith that was meant to spread---but not through coercion. God's love was intended to be demonstrated, not dictated. Our job is not to manipulate or induce others to agree with us or to leave their religion and embrace Christianity. Our charge is to both proclaim and embody the gospel so that others can see, hear, and feel God's love in tangible ways. When we are living out our faith with integrity and compassion in the world, God can use us to give others a glimpse of His love and character. It is God--not us--who works in the hearts of men and women to forgive and redeem. Coercion is not necessary or even particulary helpful. God is responsible for the harvest--but we must plant, water, and cultivate the seeds."

I forget this often. I remember witnessing to a classmate while we sat on the city bus, I guess about a year ago. It was a very intellectual conversation. I was trying to persuade him, without looking like I was trying, and I felt very desperately that I wanted him to see the truth right then and there! Even witnessing sometimes to my very best friend in the world, I get so desperate for her to just see and understand, that I wouldn't be surprised if my onslaught of words turned her off to the gospel completely. Well I know that she knows I love her, so I can only hope that in both of these cases, God can somehow use my over-zealousness for good. I want to think that my friend has seen my faith in action. But I can't think if my classmate ever did. Hm.

Stearns also talks about how we may never see the harvest we hope for. We don't know where along the line in someone's life we've come into. It may be anywhere from clearing the field to planting the seeds, to reaping the harvest. I need to remember that. I tend to get discouraged easily. I don't like to think that I'm not taking anyone to heaven with me. Yep, I've never been there to reap the harvest. I pray that God will bless me with that opportunity someday. Until then, I need to learn to be content with helping plant the seeds!

Stearns talks about Jesus' mission statement being from Isaiah 61 as quoted in Luke 4:14-21. "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Stearns breaks this statement down into three parts: proclamation of the good news, a compassion for the sick and the sorrowful and commitment to justice. Jesus set the example for us. Remember that popular phrase a few years back "What Would Jesus Do?" Well, if he were here today, I wonder where on this earth he would be and what he would be doing. I imagine that's what I where I need to be...

On a side note, I am writing this blog as I read the chapter, so I won't forget anything. Stearns just quoted Saint Francis of Assisi when he said "Preach the gospel always; when necessary use words." Haha, I guess that's where Christafari's Mark Mohr got it! My bad. Well, it still makes for a great song!

Stearns closes out the chapter with a story of how his friend Jim Wallis went through and cut every verse about poverty and justice out of the bible. It makes me cringe because that seems sooo sacrilegious! Apparently there were over 2000 verses that he cut out and the result was a bible that was falling apart. When Wallis would speak about the issue, he would hold up that bible and say "this is our American Bible; it is full of holes. Each one of us might as well take our Bibles, a pair of scissors, and begin cutting out all the scriptures we pay no attention to, all the biblical texts that we just ignore." That story hit me kind of hard. Because if I'm really a Bible believing Christian, then I shouldn't be picking and choosing what parts I want to follow.

Thanks for listening to me think. Let me know if I don't make any sense! :)

My ministries

So as a mom of two little girls my days mostly consist of keeping my 4 month old happy and keeping my 2 year old alive. There are a lot of play dates involved and a lot of walks to the park and when I get a chance and have any energy left over, a bit of housecleaning. I love being a mom and am pretty sure that is what I was born to do. However I have felt the pain of not being able to get out and show Christ's love to people in my community and in the world. My heart's desire is to be a missionary overseas, but God hasn't seen fit to enable me to do that just yet. Now, many people have told me that at this point in my life my children are ministry and that I don't need to worry about doing anything more. I know this is true, but I'm not content with that. I want my children to see me ministering to other people and I want to feel like I'm making some sort of difference with people outside of my own family in addition to it.

...as I was writing this, my 2 year old daughter Mwende came running over and knocked a tall glass of Crystal Lite all over my husband's laptop which I was using. If you wouldn't mind please pray that 1-my husband's computer is salvageable. 2-he continues to let me use it. and 3-I get my own laptop! I am now using our less than reliable and noticeably slow desktop computer. :p...

ANYWAY, yes my children are my ministry but I am not content to stop there. So I started looking for ministry opportunities that I can do with my kids since I am a Stay-At-Home Mom. Turns out that they don't take volunteers with kids in tow down at the pregnancy clinic and its the same story with every other ministry that I could find. In short I would need to find child care to do any sort of typical ministry. Then, in my Reach class at Calvary Church of Santa Ana, one of the elders introduced me to Global Media Outreach (http://www.globalmediaoutreach.com/). They needed volunteers to become Online Missionaries. Reach the world for Christ from the comfort of your very own home! FINALLY here was something I could do without neglecting my children. It is very simple really. I answer emails from people who are seeking God. I signed up after my 2nd baby girl turned 1 month old and have been doing it (nearly) every day since. I get emails from 3 types of people. People who don't know Jesus but want more information about him. People who have gone to one of GMO's website (e.g. Jesus2020.com) and accepted Christ as their Lord & Savior as a result and people who have recommitted their lives to Christ. I answer their emails by giving them guidance in what step to take next in their journey, answering any questions they might have, encouraging them in whatever trials they find themselves in and then encouraging them to write back. Not many people write back, but I've found that I am able to be a tremendous encouragement to those that do. It makes me so happy that I am able to reach out and touch these people from all around the world as they seek God. I don't intend to stop this ministry ANY time soon!

The second ministry that I jumped on board with is called Safe Families (http://www.safe-families.org/). This ministry involves families in the church stepping in and opening up their homes to the children of parents who are in crisis and unable to care for their children for either or short or longer period of time. As soon as I heard of this ministry I wanted to be involved. I have a strong desire to be a "safe family" myself and open my home to children in need, but for certain reasons I am unable to at this time. But that hasn't stopped me from getting involved in other ways! I signed up to babysit, make meals and to be administrative support. Babysitting and making meals are obvious. As an administrator I call people who have signed up to find out exactly how they want to be involved and also input new volunteer information. Hopefully someday God will also see fit to bless me with the opportunity to welcome a child in need into my home!

So as you can see I have managed to find ministry opportunities that I can jump into without compromising my ministry to my children. I am hoping to start using this blog to report on how these ministries have blessed me.

Pregnancy update through 31 weeks

I'm guessing I'm about due to give an update on this pregnancy. It's really not that exciting, which is good! The second trimester treated me well. Other than ALOT of fatigue, it was easy sailing. I attributed the fatigue to being pregnant in combination with chasing a 2 year old around. However it turns out that I had iron deficiency anemia. So the doctor put me on an iron supplement a little over a week ago and the difference in my energy levels is amazing! Suddenly housework is getting done! Which makes my husband happy. ;) Other than that one complication, this pregnancy has been amazingly easy compared to Mwende's. She moves so much that I never have to worry about whether or not she is alive in there. In fact, it is such an easy pregnancy that I find myself forgetting that I am pregnant most of the time! Well, not forgetting, but not really thinking about it all that much. Which I think is creating a problem in the area of preparation. I haven't taken any childbirth classes or really done any preparation other than buying a new carseat. I still need to take a refresher class. (Going to try the Bradley method this time). I need to sort through Mwende's old baby clothes to see what is still usable and what I need to go get. Actually I suspect I will be surprised at how little is usable since Mwende was born in the heat of September and this one will be born in December. Even if we are in California! Oh yeah, I still need to transfer my medical records from Syracuse, NY. Seeing as how its been over a year since we moved here, I guess that is the epitomy of procrastination.

In other news, Patrick possibly has the opportunity to go work with teachers in Kenya at the beginning of the year! I am so excited for him to have this opportunity. I wish with all my heart that we could go with him, but with a newborn that just isn't possible. I also considered sending Mwende with him and having her stay with her Susu while Patrick is working, but I am selfish and want to be there for Mwende's first trip to Kenya. Based on this new information, we decided to go spend Christmas with my parents in New Mexico and I will stay there until Patrick returns from Kenya. So Patrick will fly to Kenya out of Albuquerque and then fly back in to drive us all home. I'm excited about getting to spend Christmas with my family again!

Speaking of driving, there is one more preparation we need to make for the new baby. We need to upgrade to a minivan! Haha. I guess that makes me officially grown up. Seeing as how I'm I mom now, I guess I'm okay with that. We're looking at either a Honda Odyssey or a Dodge Grand Caravan. Obviously we're hoping for the Honda Odyssey, but the trick is finding one we can afford.

I think that is all that's new with us. I'm sure I'm probably forgetting something, but oh well. Happy Autumn everyone!

pregnancy update through 22 weeks

So I've been reminded by a friend that I need to pay more attention to my blog! Haha. Anyyyyway, its high time that I blog a bit on how this pregnancy is going. Especially since I haven't said a word since actually announcing that I am pregnant.

This pregnancy has really flown by for me. The first trimester was hard on me. After the bleeding and threat of miscarriage finally stopped, the "vertical" sickness set in. Which I thanked God for all day long, because it is indicative of a healthy pregnancy. I don't really remember when I stopped feeling sick, but it wasn't the kind where you get nauseous, vomit and then feel moderately better until the next go around. Nope, this was just CONSTANT nausea without the relief of vomiting. I ended up losing 16 lbs before it finally passed. The doctor told me to eat whatever I want whenever I want. Most of the time I was just unable to eat much of anything at all. I still haven't put on any reasonable amount of weight, but at least I've stopped losing weight now. Fortunately for me, God in all His infinite wisdom sent my mother-in-law to take care of Mwende while I was sick. We flew her in from Kenya, East Africa to attend my husband's graduation ceremony and she was able to stay for 2 months. What a blessing! At some point she asked me what I would have done if she hadn't been here. I told her that I wasn't going to think of it, because God planned it all to work out like it did. I was very sad when my mother-in-law finally had to leave on July 1st. Mwende was even more sad than I and still asks for her 'Susu'. She lights up when she has the opportunity to talk to her Susu on the phone and likes to show whomever will look her photograph of her Susu.

Anyway, back to the pregnancy. I started feeling the baby at 12 weeks. I thought I was imagining it at first, but it just kept getting stronger and the doctor assured me that I wasn't crazy. On June 17th (I was 15 wks 5 days), a very kind mid-wife did an ultrasound during my regular monthly appointment so that my mother-in-law could see the baby. (She had never seen an ultrasound before). While the baby didn't move much, we did get to see and hear her heartbeat and observe her having the hiccups and swallowing amniotic fluid. After scanning the ultrasound photographs, I gave them to my mother-in-law to take home with her to Kenya. Oh, almost forgot! At this same appointment, the midwife told us that she was 70% sure that we were having a girl. Since it was still early for gender determination though, we decided to wait to tell anyone until it was confirmed at the official ultrasound on July 14th. Since my mother-in-law already knew though, I went ahead and told my mother. July 14th arrived and so did confirmation that we are having a girl! I am delighted that Mwende will be getting a baby sister. Especially since I'm pretty sure that means that I can talk Patrick into at least one more, since I absolutely HAVE to have a son at some point. All that much closer to my goal of 2 girls and 2 boys. ;)

We moved in the later part of July to an apartment that is cheaper, a bit bigger and closer to work. I was starting to get concerned, because after each long day of working to move us (but leaving all the heavy lifting to Patrick!) I was getting strong period-like cramps. As soon as I felt them I would drop everything and lay down to rest, but it still concerned me. Fortunately, God answered my prayers by increasing our baby girl's energy and allowing me to feel her even more often than usual. About three days ago, I started to think that I might be able to feel her with my hand lying on my stomach. I wasn't sure though. Then yesterday, for sure! Patrick wasn't home, so I called Mwende over and put her hand on my stomach and she was able to feel her sister kick! Now I have to say that Mwende didn't care much and was more interested in digging in my belly button chanting "baby! baby! baby!". But that's okay, it was still fun having her feel her sister. Then this morning Patrick got to feel her for the first time. He showed quite a bit more interest than Mwende did! That being said, the fact that I can feel this baby with my hand somehow makes it more of a reality for me. So now that the it is really sinking in, I am starting to get really excited about meeting her. I even watched TLC's "Baby Story" and "Birth Day" today. It made me shiver in anticipation as I remembered the feelings of going to the hospital to deliver Mwende.

On a side note, yes we have a name picked out for our baby girl. Her name won't be revealed though until she is born and we will introduce her to you all! I'm already calling her by name though, so I hope I don't slip up! Haha.

I'm pregnant!

Hmm, how to start this one? I might as well start from the beginning. On April 3rd, I went for my annual OBGYN appointment. At this appointment I was told that I was pregnant. This was not expected at all, because not only had Patrick and I not been trying, but I had been having some issues to the point where I honestly didn't believe I could get pregnant again. So we were quite shocked (and very happy!). We decided to wait to tell until my parents and Patrick's mom were here in CA at the end of May. I had it all planned out. Mwende was going to come out from a nap in a "I'm the big sister" t-shirt or something to that effect. Needless to say, we didn't wait until then to tell. This past week has been very hard for me. I went to the Emergency Room on Thursday and Saturday for bleeding and cramping. Both times ultrasounds were done and they said that I hadn't miscarried yet, but I was likely to and to go home and rest. On Saturday and again on Monday, they drew blood to measure my HCG hormone levels. The reason being, in a healthy pregnancy these levels are expected to double in a 48 hour period. On Thursday, the levels were at 10,000. On Saturday, the levels were at 14,000. Not even close to having doubled. I saw the OBGYN today for followup and she explained to me that while it is certainly possible for a woman to have a healthy pregnancy with those results, it is rare. She did an ultrasound, telling me that with my hormone levels as they were, she didn't really expect to see any growth. (They had seen the yolk sac in the previous ultrasounds). But praise God in heaven, she did not see what she expected to! We were able to see the baby AND see its beating heart! When she measured it, it measured appropriately for 6 weeks 1 day, which is exactly where I am based on my estimated due date of December 8th. The doctor told me this is all very encouraging (she was actually quite surprised herself!) and that there is strong possibility that I will carry this baby to term normally. (Although of course she can't give any guarantees.) So, Jesus willing, Mwende will be a big sister in early December!

The reason I am sharing this with you so early is because I need your prayers. It comforts me to know that God is in control of all this. I have been praying like crazy and reading the Psalms for comfort. I am praying that His will, not mine be done. But I really really pray that in this case, His will is the same as mine. I am already crazy in love with this happy surprise of a baby and I do not want to lose him (or her)! So please share in our joy as we look forward to another baby in the house, but continue to keep this special little one's safety in your prayers.

(And the reason I am posting this on my blog is so that I can now freely blog about everything I'm feeling!)